"Hey there, how's it going?"
I asked him on the phone.
"Yah, we're doing good.
We've sure missed you while you've been gone."
I wondered if he was coming back
Or if he was long gone.
That ache I held inside was black,
I just couldn't share with anyone.
But I couldn't let him see it
Or plead with some desperate sound.
It would do nothing but drive him away
I wasn't going to chase him down.
"Are you still at the mill there?
How's the work there day to day?"
That's where I stopped, but wanted to ask,
"Honey, how long will you be away?"
Just then our son ran in,
He saw me on the phone.
"Mom! Isth that Daddy?
Wenth he comin' home?"
"Hi Daddy! Thif ith Mark.
How long will you be away?
Did you know that I got on base
And 'most caught a groundball today?!
"Mom says your job there's done
Maybe nest month or two.
When you get home dad, we'll go fithin',
You know, just me and you."
The question still hung there in the air
Long after I hung up the phone.
I just didn't know how my heart could take it
... all this being alone.
No touch on my skin, no look in his eye.
No calling me up, just to say hi.
No plans for tomorrow, no hope for today.
What did I do to drive him away?
I pray a new prayer this time
At my bed and on my knees,
"God, I quit asking - I just give him to you
And be my comfort, please.
"Help me have a faithful heart,
Help me be who I need to be
For all those who see me every day
And this precious boy who you've given to me."