Showing posts with label Kim. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kim. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Stare Out at the Sea




Like a wet bench on a lonely boardwalk
As the sun begins to set low
You and I, we barely talk
And empty is the love we knew
So long ago.

So I wander down the boardwalk,
I sit here on the bench.
Stare out into the bay
Wondering if I’ll ever find my way.
Are you happy to be gone
Right there in the room?
I just want
To find my way back to you.

The division is sharp like a knife,
I’m not going to plea.
You and I, you were my life
Now rejection is the message
You send me.

So I wander down the boardwalk,
I sit here on the bench.
Stare out into the bay
Wondering if I’ll ever find my way.
Are you happy to be gone
Right there in the room?
I just want
To find my way back to you.

We drifted apart and now
I cannot find the bridge to you.
You and I, I think we are gone.
I lay here alone and wonder
What will I do?

I get up and wander down the boardwalk,
I sit here on the bench.
Stare out into the bay
Wondering if I’ll ever find my way.
Are you happy to be gone
Right there in the room?
I just want
To find my way back to you.

I stare out at the sea,
I stare out at the sea,
Wondering if you will ever want
To find your way back to me.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Waiting and Waiting


Counting and counting,
as if that will help the time pass.
The waiting and waiting
makes me just want to get up
walk away and not return -
But I have to stay and find out.

Pacing and pacing,
as if my walking will bring the answer.
Figiting and figiting
doesn't solve anything.
I'll just have to be patient.
This will all be a memory one day.

The Last Remaining Aster Flower

The Last Remaining Aster Flower

Posses me like the very last flower
For one gentle, fleeting hour.
When my beauty is vivid and clear,
Smell the fregrance while I'm near.

Then when time takes me away,
Let your tears fall on that day.
Steal away to mend and heal
Grieve the loss, the pain you feel.

When the clock has ticked once more
Let your feet then find the floor.
Walk one step, then two, and three.
Restore your heart, but remember me.

Monday, March 09, 2009

Sandman Girl


shhhhh... I'm creeping in so slow
into your dream-state
into your room
into your heart
into your head
into your soul
to see if you know
how much I love you

I'm telling you so soft
whispering your name
telling you the same
as I did last time
that you are mine
all the time

I'm touching your face
watching your breath
it comes, then goes
my lips on yours
I breathe for you
go into your soul
into your heart
to see if you know
how much I love you

I'm telling you so soft
whispering your name
telling you the same
as I did last time
that you are mine
all the time

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Handful of Hopes

Jacob filled out one of those forwards that kids send around to each other asking trivial questions like what's your favoirte color, who were you named after... that kind of stuff. One of the questions was "Where were you born?" He said, "My body was born in Nampa, Idaho, but my heart was born in the snow-covered hills of Alaska."






Handful of Hopes

I have the day off today
Sitting in the barracks, I rest
Till I am called out again
To fight this war and give my best.

My make-shift home, a tent
Where I live, sweat, wake and sleep.
Plywood floor, wind blows hot,
Lonely hour, then day turns into week.

I sit outside the tent door flap
And sift the sand with my hand.
I pick it up and let it fall
Imagining I am home again.

The sand becomes a snowfall
That I saw there just last year.
Riding snowmachines in the hills,
Who ever imagined that now I'd be here?

I let myself go back there for a ride.
In my mind's eye I see the snow
Clinging to the exact leafless shape
Of every other tree along the road.

The rest are evergreens, holding piles
Of snow like a Christmas card scene.
Those memories and hopes to return
Are the contents of my each and every dream.

The dry, brisk cold of the air
Invigorates my skin and burns my eyes.
I plow thorough deep drifts of snow
Riding on trails that I have memorized.

The beauty of the landscape grips me.
The temperature, now minus 10, no breeze
Looks like someone carelessly cast diamonds
On the ground and in the trees.

Dashing back to the winter cabin,
My brothers and I, we race.
We head inside, take off our gear,
See the smile on my mom's face."

Hey guys, d'ya see moose along the trail?
Was it cold? How was the ride? "
Putting aside her book she asks,
"Who's up for hot chocolate, soup or pumpkin pie?"

The whistle of mortars brings me back.
Dashing to protect from shrapnel rain,
Instinct kicks in - I drop my handful of sand
And I become an American soldier again.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Yesterday, I Was a Child

Yesterday, I Was a Child

Yesterday, I was a child
But it's my first day of Jr. High.
Lockers, boys... and I look different.
Will they make fun of me as I walk by?

I'm scared to do this alone.
Won't you please hold my hand?
Into this place,
Afraid to show my face.
Go with me, Go with me.

Yesterday, I was a child.
Next month I'm having one of my own.
Diapers, bills, him looking up to me
Will I be strong enough or let him down?

I'm scared to do this alone.
Won't you please hold my hand?
Motherhood,
Doing what I should.
Go with me, go with me.

Yesterday, I was a child.
Today I will watch my aging mother die.
The pain of the process weathers my face.
Will I ever get over the loss of her in my life?

I'm scared to do this alone.
Won't you please hold my hand?
Memories
Of her praying on her knees.
Go with me, go with me.

Yesterday, I was a child,
I think as I close the door,
Leaving behind 25 years of marriage
And a man who doesn't love me anymore

I'm scared to do this alone.
Won't you please hold my hand?
Abuse and rage;
Time to turn the page.
Go with me, go with me.

Yesterday, I was a child,
"And that's ok," to myself I say.
This moment is a gift God's given me.
What will I do with this precious day?

I won't be doing this alone
Because He always holds my hand.
Love so dear,
He's always near,
Go with me, go with me.

Let all this maturity count for something,at least.
Don't let the pain be in vain.
Use it, Dear God, to help a hurting soul
Letting the hope of yesterday's child remain.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

UNWANTED



UN-WANTED it said
Proudly displaying the head
Of the woman in town
Who'd been more than around.

UN-WANTED, the display
Portrayed her in the worst way.
Before she came clean
And began chasing worthy dreams.

UN-WANTED it called
To passers-by who stalled
To glance at the thing nailed
Displaying the dame frail.

UN-WANTED, indeed.
Folks so tired of her need.
Tired of her shame
Having to utter her name.

UN-WANTED she knew,
Yet not sure why it was true.
Feeling hate in every glance,
Grimacing at the force-kind dance.

UN-WANTED, how she tried,
Though, in this town, she can't hide.
Found to her dismay in this place
There was no thing of grace.

UN-WANTED, no promises to keep,
She walked to the highest peak,
Filling the hopes of all in town,
She would soon no longer be around.

UN-WANTED, eager for peace,
Begged God for forgiveness, at least,
"Pray something wants me," she finished in a hush,
"Down at the bottom lying in dust."

UN-WANTED she thought
But then embrace of Peace He brought
As He taught her of His love and care,
Of His grace despite opinions around there.

UN-WANTED no more
After a season of healing for sure
She searched sweet faces of the haunted
For the curse of the UN-WANTED.

“You are NOW WANTED,” she announced
To all the hurting girls in other towns.
“Like He freed me, He'll free you too.
Now come to Him to be renewed.”

UN-WANTED parchment hung on tree -
Now there for month three.
Someone asked about her one day.
"Think she left a fortnight ago," one did say.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Young Family's Dismay


"Hey there, how's it going?"
I asked him on the phone.
"Yah, we're doing good.
We've sure missed you while you've been gone."


I wondered if he was coming back
Or if he was long gone.
That ache I held inside was black,
I just couldn't share with anyone.


But I couldn't let him see it
Or plead with some desperate sound.
It would do nothing but drive him away
I wasn't going to chase him down.


"Are you still at the mill there?
How's the work there day to day?"
That's where I stopped, but wanted to ask,
"Honey, how long will you be away?"


Just then our son ran in,
He saw me on the phone.
"Mom! Isth that Daddy?
Wenth he comin' home?"


"Hi Daddy! Thif ith Mark.
How long will you be away?
Did you know that I got on base
And 'most caught a groundball today?!


"Mom says your job there's done
Maybe nest month or two.
When you get home dad, we'll go fithin',
You know, just me and you."


The question still hung there in the air
Long after I hung up the phone.
I just didn't know how my heart could take it
... all this being alone.


No touch on my skin, no look in his eye.
No calling me up, just to say hi.
No plans for tomorrow, no hope for today.
What did I do to drive him away?


I pray a new prayer this time
At my bed and on my knees,
"God, I quit asking - I just give him to you
And be my comfort, please.


"Help me have a faithful heart,
Help me be who I need to be
For all those who see me every day
And this precious boy who you've given to me."

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

At Loss for Words

I was just going along
Doing my normal routine one day.
Pain and loneliness began seeking a soul
A frightful visit to pay.

It found me unawares,
Shot right through my body and into my spirit
The news that you would be around no more -
For awhile, I refused to hear it.

Funny that a word-person
Would be at loss for words
To describe something so real;
So tangible that it burns.

Are there words to describe,
Are there words that I know
That can explain this loss that I find
At having to let you go?

Maybe that’s where words are born,
When the body can hold it no more –
The pain inside seemed to explode,
The only escape for emotions to pour.

Or maybe that’s where heartache is born,
When the explosion happens within.
All too much, too soon to process
And the trembling begins again.

Oh, to have had one day with you,
Just you and I alone,
To tell you how much you were loved
And how you’ll be missed when you are gone.

Strange how we’re allowed to love so deep
Then have to let go after a time.
I love you dear, and miss you so much.
I'd rather say any word but "good-bye."

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Music to Me


The piano or organ,
A bug or the sea;
I may be strange,
But all is music to me.

Music comes from
A tuba? A violin?
Or maybe from the fire
As well as any violin.

Some is fun,
Some is more slow.
Your preference is which?
For me, I don’t know.

When I am sad
I like sad songs.
When I’m in the mood
I like bells and gongs.

I also like the rain;
The bass drum – the thunder.
And the string section?
It’s the umbrella I’m under.

Love is the prettiest one.
It’s going on everywhere.
However sweet or sour
By how much you care.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

A Heart Mending Wish

I have a pair of jeans so old.
They've been through many things;
Painting the house, trip by the creek,
Grass-stained picknicking games.

The time when I fell off my bike,
Tore a hole and gashed my leg.
The time when I fought with my husband
and knocked over some dye in a rage.

Used up and torn, ripped, stained;
They need a bit of repair.
I think I shall take the effort now
To sew them here... and there... and there.

Oh to be able to mend the holes like those
That are in my heart so deep.
They don't show like the jeans do
So no one sees the damage I keep.

But the frays tend to make my heart
Lose the function it used to have.
Oh, I wish I could sew it up
Because I have so much love to give.

Like these blue jeans I am feeding
Through my sewing machine
I could patch a spot or two
Reinforce here, and there scrub it clean.

Why does it have to stay broken?
Damaged, injured and scared?
I am a woman in want of love
And refuse to make my heart hard.

By hardening my heart
I know what I'd hide myself from -
The continued barage of damage,
Though true recovery would not come.

I look for hints in your eyes...
Despite my brokenness and pain,
Do you see that I want your love?
Do I dare to approach you again?

You come to me at my machine,
You look into my sad eyes green,
Shyly say, "Dear, could you sew up my heart
Like you're sewing those old blue jeans?"



Saturday, December 09, 2006

The Forgotten Traveler

Headed sure, I was,
Your way one day,
Then sun went down
The cold wind, trees swayed.

I hurried by an empty lot
Familiar in the day’s heat.
Yet this night in deep they held
Such evil I could not repeat.

The darkness there
Loomed such secrets of fright -
I felt I’d come
Between enemies in fight.

.

Hoping to go unnoticed
I stepped quietly by there,
Then suddenly I heard a noise...
Of me they were now aware.

Instead of letting me pass,
Evil & Evil joined together
To aim their bitter hatred at me,
Though I was not the offender.

Turned quickly then
When I could take no more
And soon lost my way,
No longer headed to your door.

Chasing me deep into the wood,
I ran, not even dressed for going out.
I fell through an icy creek
And had no strength to shout.

The two of evil laughed together,
Spewing clouds of sulfur, they did.
Patched up their wicked fight;
Then they went off as friends…

Looking up from your book
You peered into the night,
Thought of me then forgot again,
Sat and continued to read by firelight.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Thanksgiving at the Besherse House

"Buried deep in the storehouse of our subconscious are precious keepsakes and timeless treasures. These are memories of a time and portraits from a place we call yesterday. Occasionally, if only for a while something beckons us there again."


When I read that line in "The Story of Pa," it had been so very long since I let myself drift back into those sun-drenched summer days I spent running through tall grass, swimming in ponds and riding bikes down a dirt road. Today, the quote drew me back once again and I allowed myself to be swept to the joyous moments of my childhood; those truly precious keepsakes that I have from my early years.

Probably my most precious portrait is that of my Grandfather, Solomon Delbert Besherse. I don't as much have a picture portrait as I have a feeling etched on my heart. The feeling is that of love unconditional. My grandparents both shared that love for the 12 grandkids living within that 1/2 mile radius which encompassed 4 homesteads and 100 acres of apple orchard in Washington State. We would often pop into the house only 1/4 mile away to come say hi... only to find that Grandpa was in the middle of reading the Bible aloud to Grandma. She would be sitting there knitting or doing some other hand project, attentively listening to him. We thought nothing of it, knowing our place was on a sofa or on the floor, patiently listening until his selection was completed. That truly is not just a memory for me. It is a treasure.

Grandpa read that book, but he also lived it. Evidence of his belief was seen by how he loved his wife. I have come to believe that this one factor can tell you what a man is like in his deepest heart; how he treats his wife. I watched him love her in so many dear and tender tangible ways - realizing even at that young age that this kind of love was not commonplace. He was a family man too, always welcoming his grandkids with eager joy and a big bear hug. He lived it in intimacy with his wife, in corporation with his extended family, but he also lived it in his community as a member of his political party. He would travel to the State Capital to lobby for his convictions, speaking his mind, writing letters, effecting change in his world. He felt it was his great honor and responsibility to do so as a free man in a free society. He also refused to be considered one who is apathetic - a good man who did nothing.

Our family had only a few traditions, but they still run deep and strong to this day. The Besherses gathered for Thanksgiving each year. We lived with each other day to day in that little 1/2 mile radius. But when Thanksgiving came we would just spread the glue thick, bonding together in love, laughter and food. Grandma and the other women would spend who-knows-how-long on the preparations for the meal. My grandparents did not own a television, so the men would sit around and talk politics, religion or work.

I don't recall in those days that much extended family would come visit. Only since that generation has grown have I witnessed the larger extended gatherings. What I do remember is a man from our community who didn't have family of his own that gathered, yet he was always present at our Thanksgiving table and many times throughout the year. He was welcomed in as a part of our family without question. I remember realizing that we were reaching out as a family in love to this man. It had a tremendous impact on me, teaching me by example of grace and acceptance. To this day there will be a non-family member (or several) at the Thanksgiving table. But if you were a stranger observing this, you would be hard pressed to be able to tell which one is the non-family member. The love and acceptance will not be different on account of blood relation. To the Besherses, everyone is precious and worthy of love.

One particular Thanksgiving when I was about 12, the kids all gathered in Grandma's sewing room. We started pulling out her yards of fabric and pretending like we were movie stars, warriors, Queens & Kings. That day we decided that we would put on a play for the adults. We talked over the options of what we would bring to them. I don't remember the story line of the first play we ever did, but I do recall the efforts of casting this person for this part, that one for another, this person the narrator, etc. I was the second oldest of the then 10 grandkids, so, by default, I was one of those in charge.

Though I don't remember the actual content of the performance, what does paint that portrait in my mind is the way the adults handled it. We came down the stairs in an orderly fashion, lined the kids up just out of sight of the living room, all decked out in their painstakingly, elegantly made costumes.

They were a sight for sure. 9 year old Keith with a yardstick usually used to measure the length of a hem from the floor to far below the knees. Today, the yardstick was his trusty sword and he was playing the part of someone OLD... well over 20 years old! Kathy with wide, eager eyes, always had to be the star. Yards of fabric draped her little 8 year old body, tied with upholstery cord with matching ric-rac hair ribbons. Amy at 7, only happy to help and comply, doing whatever Kathy told her to do. Alan and Leroy, 7 and 8 year old cousins, running around with more energy than they really deserved to have. They were good for a speaking line or two, then they were off wrestling with each other again. The rest of the crew was the same, fabric, ric-rac, seam tape, spoons for microphones, flip-flops for elegant high heals.

I went to the living room to announce our intentions. All the adults were chatting, a couple of women were in the kitchen. I said, "We would like to do a play for you." Everyone stopped and looked at me, giving me their full attention and respect. "Oh! Ok!" Grandpa exclaimed. "Ma, come on in here. The kids are going to put on a play for us!" Grandma came in, drying her hands on the front of her apron, an eager look on her face. Everyone else followed suit. If it was important to Grandpa, they honored his opinion and it immediately became important to them. I announced the title and went back out of sight. The narrator came out speaking into his spoon and we began our presentation.

There was attention, laughter throughout the play and a roaring applause at the end of our short first-effort. We gathered up in the sewing room ... well, those of us who had any sort of attention span that is. We were thrilled with the response from the adults and we talked about what we would do next time. That day another tradition was born.

The next play we did was the following Thanksgiving. As we were preparing our costumes we decided we needed a name for our production team. Grandma and Grandpa were rock hounds and always had the most beautiful tumbled rocks around the house. Kathy had been carting around one of those rocks. "Let's name it Pretty Rock Plays" she suggested, and we did just that.

The treasure in that memory follows me today. Feeling at 12 years old, that the most important people in my life valued my thoughts, opinions and creativity and those of all the children in our family. Valued enough to suspend all of the lofty discussions of politics, religion and high finances of marketing to a global economy in exchange for a moment of lovin' on the little ones.

I believe in God, and I believe that this kind of human initiated honor for me helps me to understand God's love for me. It also teaches me how to love others. Family or non-family, everyone is worthy of being loved. I do so treasure the love of my Grandfather and his commitment to follow his convictions; his commitment to build, practice and maintain his faith by studying then practicing the principles he found in God's Word.

This year if you happen to need a place to go for Thanksgiving, I have not a doubt in the world that there's a place for you at the table of the Besherse family. Be prepared though, because the children will be doing a Pretty Rock Play. It's just the way it's done around there; painting a portrait of what those little ones will call yesterday - a place where they learned love, grace, acceptance and value.


The most recent Besherse Thanksgiving that I attended (2005)